Can you review my scene… it’s a twilight movie parody?

Question by Sharon D: Can you review my scene… it’s a twilight movie parody?
Hi, I just wondered what you thought about this scene? I am not being offensive to S.Meyer or the fans….I enjoyed the books but hated the movie so yeah it’s a p**s take of the movie not the books. Thanks x

When we reached the field in the middle of nowhere, all the Killems had already set up the twister mat and board. I jumped out the car and asked Aiden, “Why do you play it outside?”

“You’ll see,” he said.
“No, I don’t want to wait and see. I want to know now or I’m not playing,” I said and planted my feet still and crossed my arms to show him I was serious.
“God, you’re so bratty,” he said. “We need to play outside ‘cause we’re so hard and when we fall we always break the floorboards at the house. Now you wanna play?”
“Ok,” I said but I was still in a mood with him.
“Well, you can’t,” he said as we joined the other Killems. “You have to spin the dial, that’s why I brought you.”
“Fine,” I stormed over to Esmeralda’s side and she smiled at me.
“Beauty, I think they all cheat, so if you can keep it fair and tell them they’re out if they cheat, ok?”
“Sure,” I smiled back.

Fi-Fi called that it was time to begin and Daisy-Lee was up first.
“Left hand yellow,” I shouted.
She did great but I shouted ‘out’ just to piss her off because I didn’t like her and never would. She was angry and drew me a dirty look but I gave her the ‘v’ sign and she turned away.

We weren’t playing long before Fi-Fi decided to ruin the game with one of her ‘visions’. I don’t actually believe she can see the future but I just keep quiet about it and snort any time she has any. Anyway, she told us three people were on their way and wanted to play.

Two minutes later, they walked out into the open field. They looked like they were walking on one of those airport conveyer belts.
“Can we join the game,” the red-haired girl said. “I’m Viviane, this is Jafar,” she pointed to the blonde one who was wearing the jacket that dads goat was accused of stealing.
“I’ll introduce myself shall I?” said another one with dreadlocks. “I’m La Runt.”
I walked over to shake his hand because he looked friendly to me, friendlier than Casper, but Aidan pulled me back and that’s when it happened.
“You brought a snack?” Jafar asked and they all crouched down and started hissing at each other.

There was no way they were taking my Mars bars, not a chance in hell. Dr. Killem talked them out of it and they walked away but Aiden grabbed me and pulled me towards the car.
“We need to get out of here, now,” he said as he struggled to put my seatbelt on.
“Out the way,” I said and pulled the seatbelt out his hands and put it on in two seconds flat. “All this over a Mars bar, don’t you think you’re over-reacting a bit?”
“No, Jafar is a tracker and he won’t stop until he gets what he wants,” Aiden said as he tried to skid away but stalled the car again.
“You really need to learn to drive,” I said. “Why can’t he just go to the supermarket and buy one?”
“It’s not fun for him then, is it?” Aiden asked.
“Obviously not,” I said.

We drove through the woods at what Aiden called high speed but it was only thirty miles per hour. He told me that he would drop me off at my house and I had to pack some clothes because he was taking me out of Spoons and back to Phoenix where the tracker would probably find me anyway. I tried to make him see sense but he wouldn’t listen.

The plan was to joke that Aiden and I had split up and I was so upset that I was going to drive back home in my old truck that only just made it to school and back every day. There was no need to worry however because when I entered the house my dad was passed out on the sofa with a bottle of Vodka laid on his chest. Aiden and I walked upstairs and started to pack my stuff.
“I can’t leave him like that,” I said, pleading with Aiden.
“You have to,” he said, “when we get back we’ll book him into AA meetings.”

I agreed and we hurried outside and back into my truck. We drove to the Killems house but on the way there, Ahmed, jumped onto the roof and his feet came through and landed in-between Aiden and me. When we reached the house, it took us half an hour to get Ahmed out the roof and we were even thinking about phoning the fire brigade.

La Runt was in the house when we got there and Aiden pushed me back so hard I fell into his keyboard and broke it.
“Well done,” he said looking at me as though it was my fault.

La Runt walked towards Aiden and he tried to growl but he hadn’t quite mastered it yet.

“Easy,” said La Runt. “I come in peace.” He handed Aiden a Milky Way bar and Aiden backed off.

“I just wanted to squeal on the them,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, “what can I say, I’m a turn coat.”

He opened the front door and left without telling us any vital information. We all ran down to the garage where Dr. Killem was looking out cd’s for the trip. Aiden asked everyone to put on
We all ran down to the garage where Dr. Killem was looking out cd’s for the trip. Aiden asked everyone to put on my clothes; he threw Daisy-Lee my jacket and Ahmed my pink thong.

“I’m not wearing her minging jacket,” Daisy-lee stated.
Aiden and Dr. Killem were about to intervene but I had enough of this bitch and wanted to put her straight.
“Look,” I said, “I’ve had just about enough of your crap. You’ll wear that jacket or I’ll kick your ass.”
“Fine,” she said and stormed off over to her jeep. Ahmed followed pulling the pants out his bum.

I was travelling with Fi-Fi and Casper, and Aiden made her promise not to tell me any visions she would see. She agreed but later broke it.

Aiden bent down to the car window, “Look I can’t live without you and I’m not going to let you get hurt but just in case you don’t make it I want you to know I’m really starting to like you.”
He kissed my hand and before I got the chance to reply Casper sped off. How rude this family was.
Lk I actually have a deviantart account for my art work but can you post stories on there? I have the whole movie wrote out and it has 10 chapters all in.

Best answer:

Answer by Hanana7
It’s stupid and hard to follow. 5 thumbs down ) :<

What do you think? Answer below!