does this first part make sense?
Question by εїз вяσкǝη ω๏я∂ѕ ღ [[wнoa.]]: does this first part make sense?
i know it doesnt sound very good i’m never good at the beggining of the book, but do you get like that she got raped and that the brother gave her acid? yeah i know theres spelling errors to, i’ll fix those months later when i’m done
I was ten years young. Ten years of hope. Emilee Robert’s, my best friend. She invited me over and my parents had a big argument. My dad said, “The Robert’s is a bad family, did you hear about Emilee’s mother? Did you? She’s in jail! I don’t want my daughter around that.” And my mother went, “John, Lucy has no friend’s. How are you going to judge the family of the one person that will be her friend? Are we just never letting Lucy out? Here’s some new: we are poor. She goes to a poor school and the kid’s come from bad family’s.” My mother won. Awesome. Emilee is so pretty. Her hair was long and strawberry blond, a natural light tan, and of course, blue eyes. That’s how everybody wanted to look. She was ten, too. And my dad dropped me off. He gave me a kiss. Muttered something about the smell of pot. And left. And Emilee’s brother let me in. He was sixteen. Emilee told me once that they were only half brother and sister. His name is Sean. Me and Emilee watched a movie and people kept going to Sean’s room, mostly girls but sometimes guys and then they’d leave. The house was smokey and falling apart. Mr. Hickerman is Emilee’s dad. He was playing with my hair and asking what we wanted to eat. He was drunk, but he was sweet. At the time I thought he was smoking a cigar but now I know it was a blunt. I don’t remember much of the night, but I don’t really want to.
See, Sean had a small get togeather with his friends that night. Of course, they were all high and drunk. And me and Emilee got to her dad’s bedroom and started talking about beer. Just wondering what it tasted like, things like that. And Emilee decided to go ask her brother for some. As she left, her dad came in.
He locked the door.
I didn’t think anything of it, he came over to me and sat on the bed and pulled me on his lap. And he was telling me how pretty I was, how I reminded him of her. I don’t know who he was talking about. And he told me we were going to play a game, that he had a really fun game to play. And he started taking off my clothes, and once a was naked, I was so scared. I asked him what we were playing and he told me I had to be quiet as long as I could and he’d give me twenty dollars. So I nodded. And then he didn’t have pant’s on and I was seeing a naked man and I knew they had different part’s but I never seen one and he layed me on the bed. You can figure out how it went after that. And it hurt really bad and I asked him to stop and he slapped me and told me I was going to lose. But then he stopped and he grabbed one of the beer bottles on the floor and he pushed it inside me and I screamed. And I told him Emilee was going to be back and he needed to stop and it hurt. He toke the bottle out and stuck himself in me again and started going really hard and fast and someone was banging on the door. He stopped and got dressed and they were banging on the door and it was Sean and Emilee, I knew the vocies. And he opened the door and walked by them. Just like that. And I was crying and covering myself up and I was bleeding there. And Sean told Emilee to leave me alone for the night and he came in and got me dressed and cleaned me up.
He asked if I was okay and I said, “I think so.” And he held me and let me cry, and then he gave me a sticker. And told me to put it in my mouth and I’d feel better. So I did and it was dissolving in my mouth, and after that everything was different.
I used to the whole new paragraph, but then i read a book that didnt and it seemed really cool. but thankyou.
thankyou, its actually the book i’m writing. my grandma knows a publisher and they liked my poems and i love writing and i want to get this published.
and if you got any other morbid ideas for when shes 11 that be awesome, because i want a bunch like bad stuff to happen till shes 12, because thats when her&emilee run away.
Best answer:
Answer by Chrona…
BIG WALL OF TEXT WHOOOA
Whenever a new person starts to talk, switch to another paragraph. If you don’t, you’ll only have a big wall of words that hurt the reader’s eyes.
Hear, I’ll make some corrections to your first couple paragraphs.
I was ten years young. Ten years of hope. Emilee Roberts was my my best friend. She invited me over. My parents, however, didn’t want me to go.. “The Roberts are a bad family! did you hear about Emilee’s mother? Did you?! She’s been put in jail! I don’t want my daughter around that.” My dad had said
My mother would never agree. “John, Lucy has no friends. How are you going to judge the family of the one person that will be her friend? Are we just never letting Lucy out? Here’s something new: we’re poor. She goes to a poor school and the kid’s come from bad families.” My mother won. Awesome.
Emilee is so pretty. Her hair was long and strawberry blond, a natural light tan, and of course, blue eyes. That’s how everybody wanted to look. She was ten, too. My dad had dropped me off. He gave me a kiss, muttered something about the smell of pot, and left. Emily’s brother had let me in. He was sixteen years old, and his name was Sean. Emilee told me once that they were only half brother and sister. Me and Emilee watched a movie and people kept going to Sean’s room, mostly girls but sometimes guys, but they’d eventually leave. The house was smokey and falling apart.
Mr. Hickerman is Emilee’s dad. He was playing with my hair and asking what we wanted to eat. He was drunk, but he was sweet. At the time I thought he was smoking a cigar but now I know it was a blunt.
Scene changes also signal to start a new paragraph. Also, try not to start a sentence with “And” or “Because” unless it’s completely necessary, as it usually doesn’t flow well.
Hope it helped. 🙂
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