Feel numb and bad inside. Worst of all feel like I have no one talk with about my feelings. :(?
Question by chiron3999: Feel numb and bad inside. Worst of all feel like I have no one talk with about my feelings. :(?
Hi. I know this topic has been brought up many times before, but I feel numb inside. Worst of all I feel that I have no friends or family that I can talk about these feelings.
I felt these feelings in the past, but I was able to distract myself by doing other activities. Work, exercise, listening to music, watching funny movies, trying to force myself to act funny and amusing, hanging out with friends, joining clubs, etc.. However, these activities do not seem to be working as effectively as they use to in dealing with this feeling of numbness. After participating in these activities the high wears off and I start feeling lousy again. In the last several days I have not been able to sleep well. For example no matter what time I go to bed I am only able to sleep no more then 4 hours and then I get up and have the hardest time falling back to sleep. In the last couple of days I have probably slept no more then 5.5 hours Per night. In addition I feel range of emotions from sadness, apathy, anger, but most of all now just lonely, detached, apathetic and numb inside.
I am not totally sure why I am experiencing these “feelings,” but I know that I can no longer stomach watching the news on TV anymore because it makes these feelings feel worse. Then I have feelings of guilt and being dummy for not wanting to keep up on current events. I am not sure if it partially because of my job that is so repetitive. I work in the hospitality industry as a Concierge and I have to act happy go lucky all the time even when guests are rude. Most of the time I feel hopeless because I am 34 year old college educated male and have no clear direction on what I want to do with my life. At least career wise.
Most of my friends would describe me as upbeat and funny, but I feel most of the time I am putting on act for them. Do not get me wrong I want to be upbeat, but I feel I should be comfortable with friends to tell them I am having a down moment. I do not feel comfortable with doing this. Both my parents are alive, but I do not feel comfortable telling them how I feel as well. They got their own issues to deal with.
I am not religious at all, so I do not feel comfortable speaking with a cleric, I like to hear others opinions on how they dealt with these feelings? I am not sure if I am suffering from depression? Do you think I should speak with counselor? If so, suggestions on good organizations out there that could help would be greatly appreciated? Or should I just deal with it and hopefully these feelings will go away? Wow, I feel really embarrassed about even sharing this. Thanks in advance for taking the time and reading my questions.
Sorry for rambling and the long post, but again suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Best answer:
Answer by Thinker
First, congratulations on expressing yourself and your feelings. I think it is sooo important because if you keep it all inside, you will only feel worse. The feelings you describe are very, very familiar to me and you explained them well. Yes, I think you should find a good counselor to talk with. But, sometimes I think online support groups are actually more helpful (and there’s no charge). Clerics are in the people business, and so it doesn’t matter if you are “religious” or not, you should be able to find one who will be glad to listen and talk with you.
Anyway, it took me a long time to learn that I didn’t have to be entertaining and exuberant in order to be accepted by people. Only in the last year or two have I begun to realize that I can just be however I am really feeling inside and people will still love me. At work, its probably a good idea to keep up the positive affect because you are doing a public relations job. But you can still integrate your real feelings into your persona and be serious but professional, right? With your friends, you will probably find that you really can say, “I’m not feeling good right now” and they will understand that you are not the jolly guy all the time. They might even be relieved because they might be wondering how you can be so happy every single day. I think you will be surprised at how accepting they will be of you if you did decide to divulge the fact that you are feeling down.
Some people can’t deal with that kind of truth because they aren’t mature enough or experienced enough with their own emotions yet, so they won’t understand yours. There will always be some people with whom you won’t want to share too much, but you could pick one or two friends to talk to and I’m sure you’ll find success.
You are okay and you just need someone to open up to and help you through this process. You will feel so much better as time goes on. All the best to you.
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