Please help me critique….?
Question by Jewel: Please help me critique….?
I really need some help editing the beginning of my novel. For me, the hardest part is the beginning and I want to improve it. Thanks!
“Summer… finally!” Siobhan squealed as she took another sip of her soda. She pushed her frizzy red hair behind her ears and smiled.
“I know,” Elsie agreed, “Three whole months of no school. After the longest sophomore year ever, it seems so unreal.”
The friends were nearly the only two in the small diner, aside from a family of four eating lunch and the owner, Mr. Benny.
“Let’s go Elsie, I wanna make the most of our summer, starting right…now.” Siobhan stood, and Elsie followed. The pair made their way out of the diner, and onto the narrow sidewalk, which was nearly equally empty.
“So, where are we going?” Elsie asked.
“My house, we’ll call Jeanine and Gwen and have out own little start of summer slumber party.”
“What about Dee?”
“Okay, we’ll call Jeanine and Gwen and Dee and have our own little start of summer party.” She tilted her chin back, savoring the Florida sun. Grinning, she linked elbows with Elsie, and they made there way merrily down the street.
An hour later the five girls were sitting around Siobhan’s living room eating pizza and laughing.
“Elsie, are you and your parents going on your annual camping trip this summer?” Gwen said, grabbing another slice of pepperoni.
“What camping trip?” Dee inquired.
Dee had begun attending Grayson High half way through the year. She was pretty; shiny auburn hair, tan skin, green eyes; but she was also extremely quiet and nobody knew very much about wear she had came from, so she hadn’t made many friends. After sitting with Elsie and Siobhan a couple days at lunch though, she had been accepted into their small circle of friends.
“Elsie and her family take a week camping trip every year over the summer,” Gwen rolled her eyes dramatically, “We think she should just stay here over the summer and spend her time with us, but no, apparently sleeping in a tent with your parents and obnoxious little brother is suddenly ‘fun’”
“It’s tradition.” Elsie shrugged.
“I think it’s pretty cool.” Siobhan put her arm around Elsie’s shoulder.
Siobhan and Elsie had been best friends since third grade, joined at the hip and practically inseparable. Everyone knew that Siobhan’s response was a mixture of an instinct to defend her friend and the fact that her parents despised each other; the last family event they probably attended was divorce court.
“So you’re going then?” Jeanine spoke up.
“Yep.”
“I won’t argue with you,” Gwen shook her head, “but I don’t understand.”
“Good, now do you want to watch a movie, I hear there is this new horror one on demand…”
Best answer:
Answer by timothy
It is different!
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