Q&A: Check my grammar PLEASE! I need to learn better grammar so I can pass 7th grade!!?
Question by pink_pie13: Check my grammar PLEASE! I need to learn better grammar so I can pass 7th grade!!?
Please check my grammar! please tell me ANYTHING that I need to fix, grammar, spelling, puncuation, word choices, anything. especially check last paragrapgh too, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHECK IT ALL! 10 points to best answer! p.s. I’m writing about my favorite memory.
My favorite memory is when I first started to babysit. One day our new neighbor, Mike Smith, came over our house to ask my twin sister, Sheila, and I to babysit his five-year-old son, Cullen. Mike told me that he and his wife were going on a date and to be at their house at seven o’ clock. I was very excited to have my first oppurtunity to babysit and accepted the job right away.
Once Mr. Smith went back to his house, I became very apprehensive about babysitting, everyone in the neighborhood knew what a trouble-maker Cullen Smith was. I was worried that he might not listen to Sheila and me, but after awhile I realized that he’ll probably be good if I call his parents when he acts up. So I started thinking of things we could all do together while we babysit. First I thought we could make something out of popsicle sticks and glue, but I decided that would be to messy. Then I thought we could watch the movie “RV” but I couldn’t find it.
Before I knew it, it was seven o’ clock! Before we even left our yard to go across the street to the Smith’s house, Cullen came running towards us and said, “My Daddy said that you both are going to babysit me tonight. This is gonna be so much fun!” Then we all walked across the street to his house.
When we arrived, Mr. and Mrs. Smith said they would be home around 1:00am and to call their number on the refridgerator isf we have any problems. Then they left to go on their date. As soon as the door shut behind them, Cullen shouted, “Let’s color!” So we colored some pictures in his coloring book until he was bored. Then I suggested we play a board game. So Cullen got “Candy Landy” out of his closet. After playing a game of candy land, we made him supper, but Cullen loved Candy Land so much he ate his supper in five minutes and insisted we play it again and again.
Around eleven o’ clock, we decided to watch “Night at the Museum” and soon after the movie was over, Cullen’s parents came home. They paid us $ 50 (But my parents made us give $ 20 back the next day,) and we went home. This is my favorite memory because babysitting was fun and made me feel responsible.
Best answer:
Answer by Shannon
My favorite memory is when
** change to was when
One day our new
** Put a comma after day, I’m pretty sure that you might need to do that.
I was very excited to have my first oppurtunity to babysit and accepted the job right away.
**That doesn’t sound right in my opinion. Maybe take out the and and make it two seperate sentences.
might not listen to Sheila and me
**Sheila and I.
he’ll probably be good if I call his parents
**Change to called.
First I thought we
**First,
to messy.
**too messy.
Then I thought we
**Then is so overused in papers. Try lastly or something.
Then we all walked across the street to his house.
**This sentence is not really needed. Keep it if you really like it.
the refridgerator isf
**You probably missed this, we all do stuff like this, but change it to if.
1:00am
**I hate stupid stuff like this when I have to write. I think it should be a.m.,
candy land
**Cap. C and L
Around eleven o’ clock, we decided to watch “Night at the Museum” and soon after the movie was over, Cullen’s
**See if you can rephrase this.
next day,)
**Take the comma out.
memory because
**Put a comma after because. It sounds like there should be a pause there.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
