Role Models ? Who Really Belongs On Your Pedestal?
Role Models ? Who Really Belongs On Your Pedestal?
What’s wrong with promoting Tiger Woods as a role model for your children? Until recently most people didn’t think anything was wrong with that.
Who’s to blame…Tiger Woods or society?
The reality is some people quickly turn to celebrities or uniquely skilled individuals to motivate their children to “be like them”. Unfortunately, it is the public image of success that many admire or try to mirror when they really do not know who this person is on the inside.
Sometimes the faults or values of others are easy to see. Contrary, it’s possible you may never know the real behaviors, integrity level, values and standards of others. Even those very close to you.
What is the ultimate message sent or damage that is caused with children when these celebrity images or sports heroes make life changing mistakes? Likewise, what
impact does this have on you when you are also counting on the behaviors of others to create the standards by which you live?
The term role model first appeared in Robert K Merton’s socialization research of medical students. Merton hypothesized that individuals compare themselves with reference groups of people who occupy the social role to which the individual aspires. The term has passed into general use to mean any “person who serves as an example, whose behaviour is emulated by others”.
I do believe using various role models can provide a healthy influence when helping others (children or adults) as well as yourself with motivation, courage or confidence. However, what we should admire or promote should be greater than the public image of a role model.
What about values? When you begin helping children with the idea of having
goals in life and creating clarity around the end results they are trying to achieve, you want to teach them that it’s more than desiring to be like someone.
You should teach the importance of taking responsibility and making wise choices. However to make wise choices, children must first understand what is involved in the alignment of wise choices. It’s also teaching about the importance of taking action. However, don’t confuse action with proper aligned progress. A path can be a straight, fast journey toward quick results. However without aligning values and standards, achieving results could be disappointing or even dangerous.
Who belongs on your pedestal? I think it’s fantastic to recognize the accomplishments of President Obama as a politician, Oprah as a celebrity, Dr Stephen Covey as an educator, Charles Dickens as a writer, Neil Armstrong as a
famous astronaut, or Elvis as a great entertainer. Society should recognize, promote and even celebrate the successes of others.
However, when you think about your role models, do you really know these individuals? What about the individuals you are modeling to your children, do you really know how they treat their family, employees, their pets or even strangers? Is it possible your beliefs systems are not mutually shared?
Many assumptions are made and images are created by others (such as the media), by paradigms or society’s stereotypes and judgments. You are cautioned to realize you are viewing a storybook life or even a character in the movies.
Let’s specifically address the many sports figures that have let society down. We have experienced a variety of poor behavior from our sports celebrities ranging from lying, cheating, abuse, murder,
suicide and infidelity.
This is why it is important to send simultaneous messages of balancing successes with values and integrity. Should a role model disappoint you or your children, the discussions can be easier when addressing their mistakes.
Finally, create an environment where your children are motivated to be successful. Avoid creating the pressures that will lead to your child feeling like a failure if they have not achieved the same level of success as their role model(s). Your child may not become the next president of the United States, the president of a Fortune 500 company, a famous celebrity, or a great sports figure, but they should feel that their contribution in life can be of equal importance.
Sometimes as adults we can become so easily distracted and frustrated with others we may not be aware how we are attracting more
attention to the negative behaviors around us. As you spend time with your children seeking out the good, you will also be retraining yourself to see more positive in life.
Society has many every day hero’s and successes that can equally motivate our children. Encourage your children to see the role model behavior around them. Each day ask them to tell you about the good things they have witnessed people doing. Look for opportunities to help them sharpen this skill. Point out and discuss a neighbor or a local store owner’s contribution. Contributions can be significant or simply small acts of kindness. Start by creating an awareness of your own thoughts. A good exercise would be how you respond when dealing with traffic. Practice looking for small acts of kindness and point these out to your child. Then make a game of having your child begin to point
these things out to you. Carry this into the other everyday things that occur.
Point out individuals who model the behaviors you appreciate. This could be someone who encourages a team member, another who picks up litter rather than walking past it, someone who cares for the elderly, a volunteer, a teachers or a community leader.
Also look for examples to demonstrate how sometimes making the right choice is not necessarily an easy one. Recognize the appreciation of others who are put in a position where they are faced with making these tough decisions.
It is likely the older your children become the more they will begin to develop their own role models. The earlier you can influence how they reflect on others the more likely you are to help them create healthy role models in life.
What if you are faced with a role model making a bad
decision? Don’t ignore this behavior but take an opportunity to discuss why this behavior is wrong, the consequences of the behavior, and what choices this role model probably should have made.
Shari Bench is a certified trainer and author of the forthcoming book, “Five Essentials of Transformation; Change your life one thought at a time.” Her many programs on leadership, career enhancement, relationships, and health and wealth break down the barriers to create incredible results. For more information, please visit www.effectivetransformation.com
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