What do you think of my life so far.?
Question by : What do you think of my life so far.?
I just want to know what others think of my life, since I have no idea what to think of it any more.
Im a 15 year old male living in big town in the midwest (Nebraska), and I really don’t feel at home. Ive lived in many different places and just recently move back from living in Scotland for a year. When I lived in Britain I felt at home, and as if I was Truly on the right track in life. I also fell in love with someone I felt as if I would’ve spent my whole life with. Now that I’m back in the US I don’t have any close friends, or even anyone to talk to anymore. Recently I’ve been so stressed that I’ve contemplated suicide. I don’t feel as if I’m smart anuff to get into a respectable collage, mostly because I’m struggling so much in low level classes and every minute on whether or not I’m going to pass. I ask for help when I can and study a lot but I can’t remember so much of what I’m learning.
To add to this wonderful life I’m also pretty fat…280 pounds (6.3) of fat to be exact, I’m doing weight training and eating healthy but not losing weight. My doctors say it could be a serous problem so I have an appointment with a specialist….in 2 months.
When I grow up I want to be famous or known for something other than being just another cog in this horrible society we call normal. I’m a great photographer but I don’t feel as if that’s snuff to make a name for myself (as every hipster and their dog is a photographer). I want to try making independent movies… but all my friends who would help me live in far off places. I also don’t think I can get a good job due to my lack in intelligence.
I also can’t due the curtain couriers I want to do not being healthy, I kinda want to join the army or a work as a volunteer in foreign countries (because I don’t care for how much money I make and would like to do something to help out).
The more life goes on the more I hate myself. Lately I’ve started to think I’m a spoiled brat. I get whatever I ask for, I have a 42 inch tv, smartphone, laptop, and a nice camera. I’m asking for a new apple laptop, and professional camera, which I’ll probably get…not to mention the car I’m asking for (mini cooper s or subaru wrx, I love rallying and a great car with rally potential) which is probably $ 15,000. I want to feel as if I owned all that stuff but I know I could have never getaway with that kind of stuff without my parents paying for it. My mom is really well off and likes to spoil me, but It feels kinda wrong sometimes. Honestly my dream in life is to do humanitarian work and not have to worry about bills, which would be possible with my parents.
Back to my personal life…I really font have any friends, I hate this generation of youth (with a passion) and all the kids in my classes can only talk about who won the football game and who fucks who, which I get to hear in detail every day while I’m trying to study. The only person that I can relate to in my school is this one girl who now hates me because she thought I was in love with her, which angers her and her girlfriend. I could try to tell her I’m gay and truely in love with my lost love in Britain, but I did say if she was single I would love to be with a person like her, my bad. As for friends, most of the kids I would normally like to hang out with are…….well…
..there outsiders in this society, but the only word I can find to accurately describe them is “phonies”.
Back at home its just my mom, my dad left when I was kid and now lives happily in Italy with his new family and calls me every weekend. If I want to see him I have to go visit him…in italy ….and I despise his wife….but I went 2 years ago and didn’t have that great of a time. I argue with my mom a lot, mostly because I feel it is her fault for my weight gain as a young kid and my stupidity(which gets worse with every school I go to….8 and counting). We mostly move to look for a better life, which we found in Britain, but we had to leave due to citizenship problems…I’m a full EU citizen now.
I know I shouldn’t be angry at my mom, but in a lot of ways my life has seem to worse because of her (even though she only tries to make it better).
Back to school…my school is nice and all, but I just can’t get into it like I could past schools. I don’t join clubs or sports because I just font want to be affiliated with that place…I feel as if life will get better over summer because I will be 16 and can drive then. I want to shadow a photographer or work on an independent film with collage students or something of the sort. Anything is better than playing video games five hours a day, which is the story of my life now a days.
P.S. I’m African american, and dislike the image that fallows.
What do you think?
Best answer:
Answer by CeCe
I know how you feel. About not belonging. I lived in Europe for a while and i feel even now that that is where i truly belong. I feel like there is so much more out there and i am stuck here. No matter how you feel SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!!!!! It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can move back to england when you’re older! I didnt read the rest of the paragraph because it was so long. But just hang in there. Things will get better!
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