What do you think of my writing style?
Question by Your-mom-is-wow-upside-down: What do you think of my writing style?
It was excruciating.
My fingers were curled around the long, thin stem of the glass, the red liquid twirling around like a blind mouse, trying to run into the edge of the clear rounded cylinder, but failing in light of the circular contingency that it was trapped in.
Life was trapped in the same incidental pattern. A stop at the train station, an encounter with a friendly stranger with a crocodile smile and then a spider laugh as he spun a web, wound his thread around me and suckled on my veins like a newborn to a teat. I was naïve and treacherous, a sandy bottom with a rocky shore. The newest violation of my heart stringed treaty was bent over the bartender, making faces with his back that I had never had the time to fathom.
He was sitting on a barstool, his legs tangled in a mess only rivaled by the corkscrewed disarray of hair that sat askew on his freckled scalp. I could imagine his lips—thin cigarettes that curled like smoke when he smiled—opening up and uttering the words clichéd by my favorite movie, the time that echoed our first kiss.
Does it make sense or is it confuddled?
Best answer:
Answer by S&SJG
I think you went a little overboard in your descriptions, and it got a little confusing. Try to put in only the most important and meaningful metaphors.
Hope I helped.
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