To all of you who are honest…?
Question by NexxJordan: To all of you who are honest…?
Can you rate this poem please? It’s somewhat long, but I think it’s pretty good so it might be worth reading. Please don’t answer if you only want points. I want your true opinion, and i have no problem giving the best answer to someone who tells me my poem sucks. Here it is:
51 days, 18 hours, and 23 minutes lie full on the ground in the form of salt and water
The same mind that just betrayed me, now forces me to replay the events that just took place:
As I look into your angry eyes, every curse word you say only makes you sound more beautiful
As your hand comes hard across the side of my face, the only pain i feel is within my own soul
And as you walk off, out of my house, away from my friends, and make a huge scene of dumping me first
The big red stormcloud pumps drops of sadness through my veins
Sends streams of sorrow to my brain
A message of anguish proceeding toward my open eye
And in 80 degree weather, as the afternoon sun sits proudly in the director’s chair
A full round raindrop runs down my cheek
The indestructable man has taken a fall
cut, print, sell
Why can’t life be a movie?
Put me back in the director’s chair. In charge of MY own f*cking life
Rewind the tape. Change the script
Cue my friends letting me know before it happened
Cue the lead actor telling his b*tch she’s been replaced
Or at least cue the rain. At 40 degrees. In the middle of the night.
When no one can see the tears.
Thanks for reading all of that. What would you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10? What should I change? Thanks a lot.
Btw, if this looks familiar, I posted it yesterday, but i only got a few vague answers. Hopefully this time will be better.
@haini2006: Thanks for the advice, but i’m not sure which words are out of place. Which part exactly sounds like their are forced words?
Best answer:
Answer by ANGELMIGUEL
fucking a dude
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