Can I stop myself from falling out of love? I miss him so much…?
Question by Regina Coop: Can I stop myself from falling out of love? I miss him so much…?
Okay so here is my situation in full. I’m not sure what the connections are. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is. So please, If you want to help, or have a large amount of time to read this, please do. I have talked to friends, my boyfriend, therapists and such and I have my ideas of what I should do but I’m really not sure. Please help.
Okay, so I have been dating a boy for about a year and a half. The first 10 months of our relationship were pretty damn near perfect. I felt so much love for him. I had my problems with him, we had our fights, our differences, but we always worked it out. He is my first relationship and I was sixteen, so was he. I was never concerned about having a boyfriend but he was different. I was able to be completely open with him and we just fit together really really well. He was my best friend. We were so close. There were no secrets between us. I was so damn happy.
Thanksgiving I went to Oklahoma to visit my family, I had not seen my mother in ten years and my grandfather cornered me and made me spend the night with her and my half brother that I did not know about until that day. I did not break down or freak out about this. It was strange but I sort of shut myself off, everything felt like a movie and it was even kind of funny to me. My boyfriend was very supportive and great throughout the whole thing.
When I came back from Oklahoma, everything was normal. I wasn’t really thinking about it or anything. I was just coasting along happily. I got that surreal feeling from time to time, but not badly. A week or two later I got really sick with mono. I was stuck in my house for like two weeks, completely bed ridden. My boyfriend came an visited me but no one else. I didn’t sleep much, I started feeling really depressed surreal and weird.
When I got better from mono, I was hanging out with my boyfriend and all of the sudden, while we were in the middle of a conversation this movie-like feeling washed over me and I did not feel close to him anymore. He looked like a stranger. I was so scary. From then on stressed about it 24/7 I worried that we were going to break up for some unknown reason, that I was falling out of love, that I could not connect with him anymore or what not. The more I worried about it the worse it got.
In addition to all of this, I was not sleeping, was not going to school, having panic attacks, crying spells, etc for no apparent reason. I felt like a completely different person. I didn’t enjoy much anymore and I just wanted to cry and be alone. My parents finally sent me to a psychiatrist and she determined that I was depressed due to the indecent with my mother. She put me on a low dose of Zoloft.
It comes in waves, I will feel like my boyfriend and I don’t connect, don’t work, like everything he does annoys me, and that I must have to break up with him, everything will be cloudy and I won’t sleep well and feel incredibly unsettled. Then I usually feel incredibly overwhelmed and cry and freak out. Usually after that it is like someone takes my blinders off and I can see clearly, like everything is okay and I’m just causing problems. I feel all of my love for him, I feel connected with him, and life other than that usually makes sense.
I am just so confused. Is this depression messing with my head? How do I fight it? Or am I just fighting my true feelings? Sometimes I will just wake up with this insanely unsettling feeling and not know why. I don’t know what to do. My heart want to be with him. The idea of not being with him breaks my heart. I know that we wont be together forever. I know that we are young. But I don’t think that that means that I should not treat this like a real relationship… So please, just give me your opinions about what the heck is going on in my head. I am currently in a “bad” state and I miss him like hell.
Best answer:
Answer by A p
alright, here is my personal opinion based off of what you said.
The first 10 months where everything seemed near perfect was you being infatuated with him. however, after those 10 months, the infatuation started to wear off. instead of seeing him as some almost sereal creature, you started seeing him for what he is: a human being. that doesn’t mean he is any different, but over time, your preception of him has changed. you are scared because you lost that feeling. when you cry and freak out, it could be a sort of mental gymnastics that you are doing that eventually make you feel like you still have those feelings. you don’t neccessarily miss him, but the way you used to precieve him.
here is what you need to keep in mind. in any committed relationship, that feeling of infautation eventually wears off. BUT the couples still stay sometimes stay together because over time you gradually start to fall in love. will that happen to you? i have no idea but it could, only time will tell.
in the end, do not be upset that the infatuation you once felt for him is no longer there/not as strong. as you two continue to date and have more experiences together (both good and bad) those feelings will in a way come back, but in a better way: it could feel more real. as you have these experiences together, you could get different/better feelings that will really help to solidify your relationship and the both of you will know it. now, i’m not going to pretend that this WILL happen for you, but if you stay with the relationship, it certainly could. and if it does not work out, you will eventually know and if that happens you will truely want to break it off and will have virtually no reservation about doing so.
keep in mind THINGS WILL BE OKAY IN THE END!!!!
i hope i helped 🙂
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