Q&A: what do you think of my book so far?
Question by heartbroken: what do you think of my book so far?
this is only the first chapter. let me know what u think
Nineteen-year-old Violet Miquidum was busy typing on her two year old baby blue laptop while humming. She wasn’t typing a paper for college, it was summer and Violet wasn’t in college yet. She had always dreamed of going to Athena University in Colombia, Missouri. Violet loved singing and was the best in the high school choir. Once, she took one of her many compositions to her teacher, Mr. Pertear. Now Violet was one year out of high school. Violet had gotten a choir scholarship to Athena University and applied as soon as she could. The only thing standing in the way of Violet going was her mother, Molly Mecole. Molly had never gone to college and held a full-time job as the manager of Target. Violet worked full-time as a cashier at Target to earn money to cover whatever funds her father and the scholarship didn’t cover.
“Violet! Get down here right now!” Molly angrily shouted. Violet quicky closed out of her program, shut down the laptop and shoved it in its aqua messanger bag. Robert had mailed the bag to Violet for her twentieth birthday from Switzerland, where he was working on a new movie. Robert worked as a director for . After speeding down the spiral staircase that connected her attic room to the rest of the house, Violet got the usual welcome. Shortly before thier separation, Robert had the staircase build so Violet didn’t have to climb a ladder to get to her room. Molly had said it was a waste of money, but Robert had the staircase built anyway. That drove Molly to the edge. Violet, who was nine at the time, would never forget that night. Molly was fighting with Robert, who as she claims, ‘spoiled Violet beyond control.’ Violet never took anything for granted and alway thanked Robert for what he got her. It was true that Robert spoiled Violet, but it was becouse one day, Robert left one of his many video cameras running and nobody knew. The video camera caught a normal day of Molly treating Violet like a servant. When he saw what was on the tape, Robert confronted Molly and she claimed that she was preparing Violet for the real world. Violet and Robert knew Molly cared nothing about Violet in the real world. That was the night Robert had left. He promised he would visit every month, but because of his job, he rarly could. Whenever Robert didn’t show, Molly told Violet that he didn’t care and loved making her miserable. Violet knew it wan’t true, but there was no point in arguing with Molly.
“Make yourself useful and make dinner.” Molly snapped.
Violet made dinner and was happier than usual because she was going to Athena University the next morning.
The next morning, Violet awoke with a strange feeling. As soon as she got out of bed, she checked everywhere except her closet. She flung open the doors and gasped. There, in her closet, stood a grinning Robert Miquidum. He stepped out and gave his daughter the bear hug she still missed.
can u give me a review site? all answers welcome. thx in advance.
can u also stay away from “i liked it” u can say that, but include how i can make it better.
this is only part of the first chapter.
i know it says “Robert mailed it to her for her twentieth birthday” and in the beginning, i said she was 19. she started out as 20 and then i changed it to 19.
Best answer:
Answer by AngelShadow
Pretty great I would have someone revise it for you or put it on a review site to clean it up a bit.
Answer mine:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Asw8y8K7jd75UL4W3Fm.d1yf5HNG;_ylv=3?qid=20091018151952AAKeqbl
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