Sexual Misconduct or am I overreacting? (It’s wrecking my family…)?
Question by *gurlygurl*: Sexual Misconduct or am I overreacting? (It’s wrecking my family…)?
So, I’m a 21 year old female, and my cousin is a 21 year old male. His dad is my mom’s brother.
When me and my cousin were really little we used to play Scooby Doo, and I was Daphne and he was a bad guy. What usually happened at the end of the game was that he would trap me and squeeze me around my stomach so I couldn’t get loose. It never ever went beyond us playing, and it never made me uncomfortable because we were so little. As the years went by, he started wanting to make movies with me and my older brother. My cousin was always the bad guy. He would get out his video camera and send my brother out of the room and he would always convince me that as part of the movie he had to tie me down and he usually “examined the body” by touching me in various places and alot of times he would put his hand over my mouth really tightly. Those movies always made me very uncomfortable but I never said anything because I felt like I was making a big deal out of nothing. When I was 12 we were alone in my room and he kept asking me to play scooby doo with him “for old time’s sake”. I kept saying no, and he kept persisting so I finally gave in. What wound up happening was that he wrapped his one arm around me so my arms were trapped and he clamped his hand over my mouth, and then with his other arm/hand he was squeezing my stomach and then he moved up to my boobs. Every time I tried to get free, his grip got tighter. Eventually I stopped fighting, and I just let him do his thing. I only ever told my best friend, years later, because I’ve always thought that it’s my fault. That I could have stopped it if only I tried harder. That all these years I could have called foul but I didn’t, so I must have been asking for it. I feel disgusting. It could have been anyone else, but it had to be my cousin.
Ever since I was 15 I became an alcoholic and a drug addict and I went into AA last year (I recently switched over to NA). For one of the steps my sponsor had me write out feelings letters about certain people. My cousin was one of them. Anyways, one day my mom called me into her room and she was crying. She told me that she made a mistake. That she found my letter and she called my grandma and grandpa and told them what she read. My grandparents in turn called my aunt and uncle and repeated what my mom said. My cousin denied everything, and my grandparents sided with them. My grandparents told my mom that we all needed to get together and figure out who’s lying, but the way they said it implied that I was the one who was lying. So now my whole family is fighting, and it’s all my fault. My mom keeps telling more and more people, and I can’t stop her. My counselor at the time even told her that she ws totally out of line in telling anyone. I hate that my deep dark secret is now breaking news. I feel embarrassed and ashamed and angry, and I just feel like telling everyone that I lied just so this can all end. My parents, my brother, and my other granpa believe me, but that’s it. (When my brother found out he told me that he knew something fishy was going on all those years.)
I don’t know what to do. I f*cking HATE this. I hate that I let this all happen. I hate that I can’t stop it. I don’t know what to do at this point. I feel like I ruined my family, and that I’ve lost my grandparents.
I don’t really know what my question is….i guess I’m just wondering if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are legit? Should I lie to fix my family?
When my mom was young, she was raped over and over and over again by a neighbor. My grandparents didn’t believe her. They said that by her saying anything, she embarrassed the family. And something went on between my mom and her brother (I don’t know the details, nor do I care to). Also, starting when I was 15 my brother did some questionable things to me. He would show me porn and tell me that that’s what girls are supposed to look like and act like and he would ask me if I thought they were hot. We would be watching movies and if there were sex scenes he would tell me that if I heard any noises from him to not look (meaning that he was masturbating) and he would pause the movie on nudity scenes. He also paid me to watch him stick something up his a$ $ . He also liked to come up behind me and say “penis” or “vagina” in my ear ven though I told him repeatedly to stop. He also would call me a slut and a whore whenever he was mad at me.
There were also many occasions where I found porn of his that was all about an older brother doing his little sister, or a guy doing his mom. There’s alot of crazy stuff that’s gone on in my family and thinking about it all makes me SICK…
I’m not in therapy anymore. I had been for 6 years and none of it helped.
I can assure you i’m not a troll….
This is the very reason I really don’t like talking about this stuff. I know what happened and how it made me feel, but i hate it when people question whether or not I am telling the truth or say something that confirms the feelings of it being all my fault and that I was asking for it (i.e. saying that it’s part of my character defects)….
Best answer:
Answer by always b natural
The reason this stuff has happened is because your family
is willing to believe a perpetrator, instead of looking at all sides.
And WTF is wrong with your mother, blabbing this all over.
To me, maybe the same thing happened to her, with her brother,
and that is what she is trying to get out in the open.
This is not your fault. Get the counselling you need, starting
with the rape hot line in your area. And if you have to cut
ties with these people, you haven’t lost anything. They are a
bunch of pervs, not willing to look at the whole issue.
I truly feel there is way more going on here, your GP’s reaction’
is OTT. How much incest is there in your family.?
What do you think? Answer below!
